The Woman One Day I Hope to Become

If an award for World’s Coolest Grandmother existed, this woman would have won it hands down. Below is a picture of my maternal grandmother, Mary. She put the cookie baking, nursery rhyme reciting, gentle lullaby singing grandmothers to shame.  Now that I think about it she did do some baking. In fact her specialty was Rum Balls, which as the years went on contained more rum than anything else. While she’s been gone for 22 years her reputation for being full of fun lives on.

 

Here’s Some Random Quirky Facts About Gram

• She had a love of both beer and whiskey, the cheaper the better. Living on only a small monthly social security check, you have to lower your standards.

• She was the queen of fast food. She loved McDonald’s Chicken McNuggets with a side of hot mustard, Filet O’ Fish, Popeye’s spicy chicken wings and White Castles.

• She refused to eat chicken legs because she grew up very poor and her family raised chickens. She couldn’t eat legs because she would think back to the chicken feet always scratching at the dirt.

• She kept a calendar marked every time she made a phone call and every time someone called her. When one of her sisters would insist that she never calls, she would check her calendar and point out how many times she in fact did call and on which days.

• She brought a small bottle of booze with her when she attended wakes. Not a flask, just a recycled small bottle or jar.

• Rheumatism stooped her walk but if a polka was played at a wedding or party she’d be up on the dance floor in a flash.

• If someone crossed her or was intentionally mean, she never forgot.

• She had a mind and never failed to speak it.

• She loved a good party. Refer to above photo.

By the time I reach that age I hope I can be a lot like her. That is minus the poor eyesight and bad knees. Her mouth was quick and her mind was dirty. Advanced age may have slowed her body but it did not slow her mind. She remained sharp and quick-witted through her entire life. As an old woman I hope to become the Life of the Party.